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A beautfilu letter from Budly



I received the following letter from my loving best friend and wanted to share it with all of you. She wanted to remind me of some of the good times as, lately I have been struggling. She's always saying it will get better. I can honestly say, I'm not to sure at this moment, but she tries to help me remember that even amongst the bad times, there are beautiful memories. Thanks budly, for reminding me of some of the wonderful moments that have been shared with all of you. They truly are so very special!




January 20, 2003

My Dearest, Sweet-Hearted Budly, I want to write a million words, maybe more, to illustrate for your site visitors just how wonderful you are.  The problem with that of course, is that I would eat up all of your bandwidth and they wouldn’t have any site to visit!  LOL My feeling is that having you as a friend is like owning the Hope Diamond, without the curse naturally!  You see the Hope diamond is a famous, near-perfect 45- carat, brilliant, and rare treasure. You have always been a treasure to me, beyond valuation and irreplaceable.  

The best difference between you and that treasured stone is that you come nowhere near its hardness…you are a really warm softy inside, although you might like others to see you differently!   I still remember, with a smile, the day we met.  Brenda brought you into my office to introduce you as being the new temporary Administration Assistant and you looked so young and so shy.  I wondered if it was your very first job.  I remember the look on your face when I stuck my hand out to shake yours and asked, “So, how do you like us so far?”  It was, of course, intended as a joke and you got it!  I remember showing you how to program our photocopier the next day and how you seemed to look at me with a “wonder what she wants in return” expression.  Naturally, I did not want anything in return.  I was merely trying to be helpful. Spring was coming on, but it was still bitterly cold out to have smoke breaks without shelter and in dress clothes.  I’ll never forget having to convince you to sit in the car with Janice and I, to stay warm on break.  You sat in the backseat as we talked about the Internet and computers, which I knew very little about.  I remember doubting you when you said you were married and definitely thinking you were pulling my leg when you told me you were nearly forty!  I thought there was no way that you were past your early twenties!  That’s why I was so doubtful when you said you were married. I’ll never forget the day we three were standing outside and Janice was talking about her brother.  You spoke about your brother having passed away, but did not go into much detail.  You said, “I never talk about my family” and I looked you straight in the face and said, “Oh, you’ll tell me!”  I don’t know for certain if the look I saw then was fear, loathing or intrigue.  Perhaps it was a combination of all three, but you smiled at me and didn’t say a word.  I may never have told you this before, but in all honesty I was worried that I had offended you.  I felt that there definitely was a common ground between us and other than you actually understanding my sense of humour, I wasn’t yet certain what it was.  I just knew that I wanted to get to know you better. When you invited yourself over to my house only a few days later, to show me some things on the computer, I knew I hadn’t upset you.  What’s really funny is, I called Marc and told him I wanted him on his best behaviour, because I considered you “friendship material” and I didn’t run across people whom I thought that highly of often.  

As a matter of fact, I had never made that kind of reference before! I had worked with some of those other people for ten years and while we had decent at-work relationships, I hadn’t socialized with any of them.  You and I though, well, we just plain clicked!  I’m so happy to have met you and to have taken the chances I did in trying to get to know you better.  I’m so thankful too; that you took the risks you did in allowing a stranger into your world.  I know it was hard for you too, perhaps even harder. More than five years have passed now and I must tell you and the rest of the world, I could not have made a more wonderful judgement call.  You not only were friendship material, you ARE the very best friend I could ever have dreamed of or hoped for. We have shared many triumphs and tribulations, much laughter and much sorrow. We stick together and if it’s even possible, the difficult times have brought us closer together.  I have often said that I see you on many different levels.  Sometimes you are my best friend, sometimes my sister, sometimes my “kicker-in-the-asser”, sometimes my personal teaser and sometimes all of them together and so much more!  You’ve taught me things I might never have learned on my own. Among others, you’ve taught me a great deal about computers and different programs, what it means to have someone to call just to say “hi”, and most importantly you have taught me what it means to feel loved and to truly and freely give love.  I continue to learn from you and to admire your ability to teach. I remember in the beginning of our friendship, how we double-dated quite frequently, wanting desperately for our husbands to get along too. 

We played many, many hours of Euchre, which the girls invariably won, and went out dancing often (even though I don’t dance!). You managed to help me feel like less of a ‘weirdo’ on the dance floor and I never would have believed that was possible!  We always had a ball. There was never a dull moment or even a prolonged silence. (Even now, silence between us isn’t uncomfortable in any way.)  Heck, you even managed to get me to dress up for Halloween and go out in public too!  I’ll never forget that night. Not as long as I live!  Marc in his dress and Doc Martins, Kevin in a wig and hippie beads and you and I dressed like biker-babes…sort of.  God we laughed so much that night. I’m glad we have pictures.  We look so happy!  I was on the dance floor so much that night that I actually had to have Marc pull those leather pants off of me…I just couldn’t do it, they were so wet from dancing!

Gosh, we have shared so many good and funny times… I know that sometimes you have difficulty remembering them and that is why I’m trying to recall some of them for you here.  See? Budlies are good for something!  I remember our “chick-weekend” in Montreal with great fondness.  It was the first time we’d gone away, went clubbing and “swiped” coffee mugs together!  It was such a wonderful weekend, I still wish it had never ended!  I kick my butt now for feeling the need to get back home when you were suggesting we stay the extra day.  I was being loyal to work…and it got me far too! I’m sorry we didn’t stay…and I’m sorry too that the timing has yet to be right for us to do it again like we had planned.  I look forward to another “chick-trip” whether it be Montreal or somewhere else, sometime in the (hopefully) not too distant future! Do you remember much about  the spa weekend?  Wasn’t that a beautiful place; the long winding driveway leading up to the main-house…and how well-kept the grounds were? Do you remember how hard we laughed at the guy who was mowing what had to be an acre, with a push mower?  Okay, we didn’t laugh AT him, we laughed ABOUT him! Lol  Remember getting sort-of-lost when we tried to find the town to pick up some munchies? The dining room had a huge fireplace and they served us on real linen and silver. There were roses all around and we could see the patio gardens from inside. I remember they had the biggest white hydrangia bushes I had ever seen….great big snowballs! I remember with a smile, us out on the balcony under the stars, smoking, talking, laughing and drinking coffee.  We could see sooooo many stars and it was so peaceful, in a way it made me glad that they did not allow smoking in the rooms.  I think we might have missed that experience if they had.  You bought me a beautiful teddybear when we were checking out.  Her name is Alexandra and she still holds a special place in my memory and in my home. I’ll never forget the look on your face when after I had lived with you and Kevin for about a month and a half I said, “It’s time.”  You looked so shocked and sad, as if you might cry.  You thought I meant it was time for me to move when I actually meant it was time you and Kevin went out for an evening together without worrying about me.  The smile on your face once I explained myself…warmed my heart so much. I remember too how desperately I missed you when you were in hospital and especially when you and Kevin were in Mexico.  Let’s face it though, you are missable and huggable.  I still don’t like it when we go too long without seeing each other.  Of course, I think my idea of “too long” can differ somewhat from yours.  I hope that doesn’t sound selfish, it’s just that I love you so and I’m not afraid to say it!  I want you to know that I die inside a little bit, whenever somebody hurts you.  I want to hurt them in your defense…then I remind myself that they are not worth the effort and I focus my attention on helping you to deal with whatever hurt has been dealt. Ultimately, it is YOU who matters to me.  I could care less about the abusers. I’d like your visitors to know just how wonderful, kind, caring, considerate and compassionate you are.  If they haven’t already seen it in your beautiful pages, lovingly created for everyone to enjoy, then I guess the only way to let them know is to share with them some of what you’ve done for me. You saw something in this shy wallflower that you thought worthy of your attention.  You befriended me, offered me your guidance and shared with me your love and your home.  You helped me to see what a bad situation I was living in and how dangerous it was for me and helped me to overlook my fear of being alone by giving me a place to go in order to escape it.  You have and continue to help me to find myself, through the good times and the bad.  You have allowed me to occupy an important part in your life and your healing journey too and that helps me to feel important and loved.  I cannot honestly speculate where I would be, had you not come into my life, Glo.  What I do know is that I never again want to know what it means or feels like to live without you.  It breaks my heart just thinking about losing what we have; it is that important to me.  You and Kevin are my family. You are the best friend anyone could ever hope to have and I am so happy that you’re mine.

 I am lucky.  I am blessed.

I Heart You, my Budliness!

((((((((Warmest Budly Huggies))))))))



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